Erin Norton

I became a line cook the summer before I started college. It was a good entry-level job for someone new to the restaurant industry. This pizza place was easy: the food was pre-prepped, and our job was to fill the line, put the ingredients on a pizza, and throw it in the conveyor-belt oven. I liked the atmosphere and the people. One of my coworkers played poker for a living and delivered pizzas as his side gig. One day, he happily came in and informed all of us that he was quitting on the spot because he won big!

I never liked food until become a cook and even then, it took a few years for me to appreciate cooking. I was once told that working in kitchens was bad for my eating disorder. However, being addicted to food is a harder battle than one thinks. It is impossible to avoid food even if I was not working in a restaurant. Being surrounded by the very thing that causes immense anxiety was extremely stressful sometimes. However, I kept at it because I liked that I could cuss at work, throw pots and pans around, and play with knives. Food to me was a means to fill a void inside me. My eating disorder was not rooted in nutrition or a compulsive need to control my diet. I just ate when I felt depressed, stressed, or was in a hurry to go somewhere. And whenever I started eating, I could not stop.

Eventually, I started working in better and better kitchens. These places sourced quality ingredients and the chefs put a lot of thought and love into the recipes. I remember the first time I tried an heirloom tomato. I had to close my eyes because it was so good, savoring each bite.  Soon, I started to appreciate good food. My bulimia was wasteful, expensive, and destructive to my well-being. My mindset started to change as I took my time preparing something beautiful. Even now, I take two hours every night to prepare myself a nice dinner. I very rarely just “throw something together” or decide to eat a bowl of cereal. Since I have the ability, I have no excuse. I will not eat something that doesn’t taste good to me. Even if I am disappointed at a restaurant I am patronizing, I will take the food home with me and fix it in my own kitchen. I am also the person who always asks for salt when I am out to eat.

One shift as a line cook goes by faster than you could imagine. I would blink and 8 hours would be over before I knew it. For the first time in a long time, I would go through the entire day without thinking about what I am going to eat. All that mattered was the customer – and I knew that they would find my dishes delicious. Eating like this instead of thinking about all the other emotions surrounding food (Was it bad for me? Did I eat too much today? I’m full but should I have another plate? How much am I going to have to run to make up for this?) helped me immensely. And once I figured out that I wanted to eat because the food was well-made, seasoned, and prepared with love and not because “I have to,” the disordered behavior disappeared.

I’m not saying that everyone with an eating disorder should become a cook as their therapy, but it worked for me. Being able to enjoy food is a gift that I treasure. I feel so bad for the people with Covid-19 who lost their taste buds. The fact that humans spent thousands of years since the invention of agriculture perfecting recipes and finding complementary ingredients is simply amazing.

So tonight, make a half a cup of green lentils; then, mix it a pan with a tablespoon each of of curry powder, tomato paste, and fresh garlic. Put a bunch of mango chutney on top. It is easy and delicious.